I approached to this topic with trepidation. On the one hand, I would like to express what I want, and on the other, I was afraid that it will hurt again. Despite this, I wanted to write about my thoughts on what has been going on recently in Poland and what personal threads this topic touches.
In short, it's about the p - word - pathology and how it is to live with it. To be precise, it's about living in a family where one of the parents is addicted to alcohol (here you can also enter other addictions).
In my case it was like that and still is in some parts. As someone read my entries in polish on my blog titled “What lies in the heart”, learned about many things that are a consequence of living in pathology, but also what are the feelings when you get out of them.
Generalities are important, but details in this topic are more important. I will start with quote: "Don't talk, don't feel, don't trust." Don't talk - don't talk about problems at home and therefore at school; don’t talk about your needs and desires (to yourself and to your neighbor); don’t say that you want to live differently; don’t say that you are lost and that it hurts; don’t say that you have problems at work, that you have a problem in relationships with people, that you can’t start and maintain a relationship; don't say you need help; don't say you can't do it, that you have some doubts about how life at home looks like and how it flows; don't say you hate yourself and others, that you are angry.
Don’t feel that it is bad, that it hurts after violence in words and deeds; don’t feel that you are abandoned, honored and abandoned; don’t feel that years are flowing and desires remain unfulfilled; don’t feel that you aren’t growing, you are not matured, and because of that you stop in place and even go backwards; don't feel your life is running out; don’t feel that you are robbed of good, truth, health, well-being and beauty; don't feel that you're dying again.
Don’t trust people, don’t trust yourself, don’t trust God and the fact that objective truths exist. Don’t trust your mind, feelings, experiences and the fact that they can be together and work together; don’t trust that it can be as you desire, that it can be normal, natural.
There are a lot of those "Don't say, don't feel, don't trust". I didn’t mention everyone, because it would be a long calculation, and I meant to outline a reality in which I grew up to a large extent. And how soaked in it. So much so that I got used to living in constant fear and constant hatred. Hate for normal families, for normal human relationships, for normal experiences. Normal and natural. Natural by choice, sometimes by accident, sometimes by unconscious choices, but healthy in principle. Healthy and not sick.
I knew that it was sick because I had a healthy hint in my desires. I don’t know what their source is: whether God's hint, a souvenir of baptism, or a natural law poured into the heart from birth. The fact is that the word “sick” refers here to this incompatibility of conduct, choices, thoughts, beliefs with this reference state, or unchanging reference, where it is possible to live in Quincunx - the pentanominal of being.
I also know that I wanted revenge on "normals" to give them the life I had. Build hell on earth. That they would experience the same. On the other hand, creating such a world, I would live in a world I know. In a world where no one will point me to wrongdoing, wrong words, decisions, because everything is relative, everything flows. Because there is nothing solid here. And this is how it should be, because then I can do what I like at the moment. Nobody will remind me then that "reference" exclaims: although it is pleasant in some respects, you do bad things, you live badly, you sin and die at your own request, you miss your calling, you don’t develop your natural talents and potentials, no you try to live happily (in accordance with good and proper desires), live fully with life fulfilled at some point.
Addiction in such a family becomes co-addiction. This situation doesn’t teach freedom and responsibility in a good way, nor does it teach the willingness to live as an adult, coming from human nature, to enjoy parenthood, to enjoy being a father or mother to someone outside the family (as a teacher, confessor, trainer, boss at work or another supervisor, be it professional or community), but also being a son or daughter for their own parents, but also for work and community "parents".
Teached co-addiction leads to the fact that this co-addiction is sought in one's own relationships. Learning such things also means playing them back in your adulthood. As the saying goes: "The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree".
Such things not only happen in families, they happen in different sects, where pathology dresses robes of faith and religion. Closure to the outside world, the leader as God's messenger, relativization of laws and decisions, mutual addiction, We and others, lack of freedom and privacy, private property, own independent decisions, etc.
Why does it describe so with details? Because I see all these pathologies in the world flowing from that side. From a site promoting all destructive behavior, including LGBT or other sectarianism. Besides that, people from pathological families very easily fall into such sectarian company. Maybe because he reminds them of their own family.
I know this world because I have experienced it, I know all this and that is why I describe it as pathology. That's why I call it sickness and evil. Maybe not 100%, maybe not in every case, but I know what is going on in these people. In those who were victims of various violence, rapes and experienced a lack of help, powerlessness and helplessness. Not once, but many times, for many years. I am sorry that they have experienced so much and I am sad that there are so many of them. I feel sorry for them because I know what they went through because they are victims.
Nevertheless, I can’t agree that they are also attackers through their actions. That their behavior, their approach (whether out of revenge or mercenary, or cold calculation) infect other people, infect their psyche. It is as if someone who is HIV positive infects others through sexual contact. This is the same level of cruelty. I don’t agree on their behavior, remembering what I was and what experiences are still stuck in me.
I see a similar attitude among many ordinary, normal people. Many are unaware that they subconsciously defend against illness. Before the disease that first attacks the mind, then survival, and finally the whole person suffers, because various diseases in this life appear: HIV, hepatitis, anal cancer, larynx cancer, schizophrenia, obsessions, etc.
Speaking of all this and opposing the postulates, we try to save their lives and save them from death.
I see only one option: telling the truth, like Archbishop Jędraszewski. If it need also physical defense against an attacker. Of course, all this with sensitivity, prudence, moderation and most importantly: with love.
I would like this text to be read by as many people as possible, although I know that if it will be read by 30 people, it will be good. Still, I know that these 30 people will know something more, understand something more. This is my contribution, so much I can do when the world is in fire.
