not as seen on tv

 

(studio, crowds of red-faced, overweight people, they sweat, they stink and clap their hands, enters the MC)

MC: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we have somebody special here for you. Please, welcome Dick, Willie and Shanya!

 

(enter; two 30-some men, apparently brothers, and a woman - pregnant)

(applause)

DICK, WILLIE, SHANYA: Hello! (wave their hands frantically)

MC: What brings you here?

DICK: (quietly) Well, Shanya, I wanna tell you sometin'.

SHANYA: Like what?

DICK: You know, we been married for some time and I'm - I mean - I didn't tell you that before but... I'm pregnant, sort of.

SHANYA: (angrily) But you're a fucking man!!! You can't have babies!

WILLIE: (interrupts) What do you mean he can't? Is he worse or what?

SHANYA: But men don't get pregnant!

DICK: (tries to be polite) Well, honey. Actually...

WILLIE: (takes over) No! No! Let ME tell her! He's not a man! He underwent a certain operation when he was kidnapped by aliens and he's a 100% woman now! Fertile, as you see. (smiling) And, if you ask me, quite attractive...

SHANYA: (confused) But darling... I'M pregnant! And you're the father! Don't you remember that night in Smellville, Oregon...? (gets an idea) I know. You're overworked. That's what happened. (smiling) Besides, if you were a girl you couldn't have... you know... How did you do it, if you're a girl, huh?

DICK and WILLIE: Kevlar implant you silly cow!!!

(audience piss themselves)

 

SHANYA: (sadly) I thought so... Well, if you're honest with me I'll tell you the truth. I'm not pregnant.

DICK: What?

SHANYA: It's just a beer-belly. I'm not even a woman.

WILLIE: Who are you then?

SHANYA: I'm your father! Sean!!! You thought I'd left you and gone to Mexico but I've been just hiding my real personality ever since your mother died...

WILLIE: (interrupts) She didn't die...

DICK: What do you mean?

WILLIE: I'm your mother Dickie! I felt I couldn't take it any longer and I turned into your brother! I just wanted to get away...

MC: (interrupts) I'm afraid this time we're not going to have a spectacular fight in the studio. I'm terribly sorry. Next week - a Ku-Klux-Klan leader pretending he's an alligator. Goodnight!

 

(audience clap their hands anyway)

THE END

 

 

p.s. http://petycje.pl/petycjePodpisz.php?petycjeid=2008&podpis_rodzaj=1

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